TradeQueen Daily Journal
I've gotten myself into something much deeper than I could of ever imagined.
While I've lost a ton, still I have no regrets for trying.
My goal set from this point forward is to slowly recoup my losses and continue to learn the tactics to gain advantages and become a successful day player.
The positive here is everyday I learn a wealth of information that can put me on track.
The immediate goal for tomorrow, Monday 5/9/11, is to minimize the surprises and find the better gains. Until then...
While I've lost a ton, still I have no regrets for trying.
My goal set from this point forward is to slowly recoup my losses and continue to learn the tactics to gain advantages and become a successful day player.
The positive here is everyday I learn a wealth of information that can put me on track.
The immediate goal for tomorrow, Monday 5/9/11, is to minimize the surprises and find the better gains. Until then...
"Is it my ME?... Or is today just different? Timing timing timing!"
Things are a little different @ expiration
Things are a little different @ expiration
Sheesh! Hearing it from someone else helps, a lot! Thanks.
Originally posted by redsixspeed
"Is it my ME?... Or is today just different? Timing timing timing!"
Things are a little different @ expiration
ORIGINAL POST 6/20/11
morning news discusses economic failures in Greece and past experience suggest a very shaky trade day.
O/N as well as RTH S1 57.25 levels suggest a strong bottom, but w/ whats been said on the news, I don't feel these can be relied on.
Opened below the PP 67.25 and R1 is 76. I will hold off this morning to see what direction those (world market) want to take this. I will want to make some decision this morning, because I can't afford to sit here anymore.
**************
EDITED #1 10:35am eastern
Will go short if we reach 75. Although current high is 69.75 there is a ways to go. Basing 75 off R1 @ 76 as mentioned and Trips not filled @ 72.5 if I remember correctly. O/N R3 is 72ish.
**************
EDIT #2 11:10am Eastern
I believe my problem this morning is, I'm not willing to sway one way or another. This is often the case with me. I've seen a situation happen a number of times and when I see a setup for such a situation, I am in a set belief that it will happen again.
This is trouble if I have contracts entered and I find myself in a bad trade without letting go.
On the other hand, it's also a problem if I have NO contracts, because I'll fail to ever enter a contract and sit ALL day staring. Still waiting to see if we can get close to 75. This based on the FIB chart in daily notes with a high of 77. Will probably reconsider all this around 11:35.
************
EDIT #3 1:30 eastern
Flat at 1272.75. Here lurking but I think I'm done for the day. May post conclusion later.
************
DAYS CONCLUSION
Reading back from the start of the day... I'm so funny.
I said I was going to wait to 75 to enter the market, but looking back I don't think I actually believed that target would be met. Otherwise I would of entered the market and cashed in on the way up! As I see I should have done.
Second reason for my lack of belief is I actually entered short at 72.50, then panicked and exited. I was able to recoup the loss by adding another short at 74. Still wasted my day.
I wrote how I wasn't able to sway away from my what I thought to be correct. Seems I did sway after all and was wrong for doing so. A little more confidence this morning could of changed my whole day.
I believe hearing the news about Greece over the weekend and first thing this morning kind of set me back. I was waiting reaction that didn't happen. There are times the news is very important to the day trader and other times the news affects nothing.
Frustrations today... I don't know why, but I forgot to try the pitbull strategy. Need to go back now and see if this could of helped me. Plus this is at least the second time I didn't use the Pivot in the morning to my advantage. Got to pay attention to this. Again due to the weekend news, but now I see that's a sorry excuse.
hmmm, seems there was one more thing.
I think today is what is called a trend day. There for I'm guessing tomorrow may be a MATD. If anyone happens to read this and can elaborate a little more on this, feel free to do so. Comments on this journal are always welcome and appreciated. Till tomorrow!
morning news discusses economic failures in Greece and past experience suggest a very shaky trade day.
O/N as well as RTH S1 57.25 levels suggest a strong bottom, but w/ whats been said on the news, I don't feel these can be relied on.
Opened below the PP 67.25 and R1 is 76. I will hold off this morning to see what direction those (world market) want to take this. I will want to make some decision this morning, because I can't afford to sit here anymore.
**************
EDITED #1 10:35am eastern
Will go short if we reach 75. Although current high is 69.75 there is a ways to go. Basing 75 off R1 @ 76 as mentioned and Trips not filled @ 72.5 if I remember correctly. O/N R3 is 72ish.
**************
EDIT #2 11:10am Eastern
I believe my problem this morning is, I'm not willing to sway one way or another. This is often the case with me. I've seen a situation happen a number of times and when I see a setup for such a situation, I am in a set belief that it will happen again.
This is trouble if I have contracts entered and I find myself in a bad trade without letting go.
On the other hand, it's also a problem if I have NO contracts, because I'll fail to ever enter a contract and sit ALL day staring. Still waiting to see if we can get close to 75. This based on the FIB chart in daily notes with a high of 77. Will probably reconsider all this around 11:35.
************
EDIT #3 1:30 eastern
Flat at 1272.75. Here lurking but I think I'm done for the day. May post conclusion later.
************
DAYS CONCLUSION
Reading back from the start of the day... I'm so funny.
I said I was going to wait to 75 to enter the market, but looking back I don't think I actually believed that target would be met. Otherwise I would of entered the market and cashed in on the way up! As I see I should have done.
Second reason for my lack of belief is I actually entered short at 72.50, then panicked and exited. I was able to recoup the loss by adding another short at 74. Still wasted my day.
I wrote how I wasn't able to sway away from my what I thought to be correct. Seems I did sway after all and was wrong for doing so. A little more confidence this morning could of changed my whole day.
I believe hearing the news about Greece over the weekend and first thing this morning kind of set me back. I was waiting reaction that didn't happen. There are times the news is very important to the day trader and other times the news affects nothing.
Frustrations today... I don't know why, but I forgot to try the pitbull strategy. Need to go back now and see if this could of helped me. Plus this is at least the second time I didn't use the Pivot in the morning to my advantage. Got to pay attention to this. Again due to the weekend news, but now I see that's a sorry excuse.
hmmm, seems there was one more thing.
I think today is what is called a trend day. There for I'm guessing tomorrow may be a MATD. If anyone happens to read this and can elaborate a little more on this, feel free to do so. Comments on this journal are always welcome and appreciated. Till tomorrow!
Well, it's been a while since my last post. My desire was to start making positive post of how I was doing with details about what I was doing. Sorry to say now, this is not the case.... I'm officially out. For a long while anyway.
I again would like to thank all the regular contributors to MyPivots Forum and even some of the not so regular contributors. My appreciation for your time and information can never be truly expressed. This is such a fantastic web site for new comers like me. Unfortunately it was my own execution and fears that ultimately led to my annihilation.
Fear was and still is my biggest obstacle. I would sit and call one good trade after another... Over and over without the courage to enter the market.
Even if I did enter the market with a good decision... I would exit prematurely on account of panic. Bringing only a quarter to a half point tops at a time! I would feel like an absolute idiot afterwards.
And when my confidence was most strong, like this morning, is when my decisions were most destructive. I failed because all my good decisions never made a significant profit to compensate the bad ones.
Just a final note. Yes, I'm finished here because I failed to exit a few bad trades early. But more importantly... I failed because of my inability to control my fear, to actually enter into those good trades and my inability to stay strong in the good trades I did enter.
I learned to recognize those good trades throughout the pages of the MyPivots Forum. It's the importance of getting a hold on my emotions I still need to work on.
There is so much to learn. It's comforting and just as much discomforting to know some of you who've been trading successfully for years are still refining your skills and still experience some of the same qualms as I do from time to time. Thanks for sharing that insight as well.
New traders... Keep that in the back of your minds, for it's what we'll be up against for years to come.
With all its disappointments, I still love this. The peace of working on my own, being myself without fear of mortification is oh so settling. I only wish I could have experienced that feeling of self accomplishment. Still, this is the goal.
Well... It's back to 60hr work weeks. The good news is I love my job. The bad part is the competition to keep my job. Uh, it's a constant battle. Plus, as mentioned in the past... the, additional, dreaded 10+ hrs a week sitting in traffic to and from. uh.. That's the worst part.
I shall be back again! Someday... much older. Hopefully smarter!
Best of trading for all of you who come through this thread. And such as a skipping record, MANY MANY THANKS to all of you who rule the ES Threads! Again... For all your insight and education... Thank you thank you thank you! Happy lives to you and yours!
I again would like to thank all the regular contributors to MyPivots Forum and even some of the not so regular contributors. My appreciation for your time and information can never be truly expressed. This is such a fantastic web site for new comers like me. Unfortunately it was my own execution and fears that ultimately led to my annihilation.
Fear was and still is my biggest obstacle. I would sit and call one good trade after another... Over and over without the courage to enter the market.
Even if I did enter the market with a good decision... I would exit prematurely on account of panic. Bringing only a quarter to a half point tops at a time! I would feel like an absolute idiot afterwards.
And when my confidence was most strong, like this morning, is when my decisions were most destructive. I failed because all my good decisions never made a significant profit to compensate the bad ones.
Just a final note. Yes, I'm finished here because I failed to exit a few bad trades early. But more importantly... I failed because of my inability to control my fear, to actually enter into those good trades and my inability to stay strong in the good trades I did enter.
I learned to recognize those good trades throughout the pages of the MyPivots Forum. It's the importance of getting a hold on my emotions I still need to work on.
There is so much to learn. It's comforting and just as much discomforting to know some of you who've been trading successfully for years are still refining your skills and still experience some of the same qualms as I do from time to time. Thanks for sharing that insight as well.
New traders... Keep that in the back of your minds, for it's what we'll be up against for years to come.
With all its disappointments, I still love this. The peace of working on my own, being myself without fear of mortification is oh so settling. I only wish I could have experienced that feeling of self accomplishment. Still, this is the goal.
Well... It's back to 60hr work weeks. The good news is I love my job. The bad part is the competition to keep my job. Uh, it's a constant battle. Plus, as mentioned in the past... the, additional, dreaded 10+ hrs a week sitting in traffic to and from. uh.. That's the worst part.
I shall be back again! Someday... much older. Hopefully smarter!
Best of trading for all of you who come through this thread. And such as a skipping record, MANY MANY THANKS to all of you who rule the ES Threads! Again... For all your insight and education... Thank you thank you thank you! Happy lives to you and yours!
TradeQueen,
First I would like to express my condolences to you and I know it is of little consolation but we have all experienced the exact same fears, hopes and disappointments that you've listed in your post. I know that it is something that all traders seem to have to go through but I still hate hearing about it happening to anyone when it does.
Secondly I would like to ask your permission to post your letter on my website. You have eloquently expressed a side of trading that people new to the trade are unaware off or at least they don't fully comprehend just how much emotions play a part in trading. I think your letter could help serve many new ambitious traders.
Lastly I would like to share with you a few stories in hopes that you may glean a little something from them that may benefit you in the future when you retry your hand at trading.
About 3 years ago I knew a woman who was relatively new to trading and had the talent to be good at it. Her problem much like yours was the inability to pull the trigger when she saw a good trade setup. She had already been beaten down by her losses and so went her confidence. She spent her days watching the market without taking a trade while she watched trade after trade that would have been successful pass her by. I offered her a solution that helped her regain her confidence. I asked her to set things up like this...have someone else (that is not within eyesite) execute the trades for her. It went like this...each morning the other person would flip a coin if it was heads they would trade live money for her if it was tails they would trade in SIM. She was not to know the result of the coin toss until the trading day was over. SO she would instruct them what trades to take never knowing if it was live or SIM. Looking back I believe this little trick worked for her because it alleviated just enough of the fear that she was again able to make the trade calls. I'm not suggesting that everyone do this I'm merely saying that sometimes we could benefit from trying unconventional methods.
Next story...I spent the better part of three years trying to come up with a method of trading that would alleviate or at least greatly minimize the negative affects that fear plays in trading. I found it not to be an easy task and one that requires a combination of elements that work synergistically together. Thie is probably way to long to go into here it would probably require the volume of a book to cover but I will try to tell you some of the more important observations I have learned. First trading is comprised of three things..the first being the actual trade itself (setup, entry, exit)..this is aspect that most people seem to spend the majority of their time on. They will spend countless hours scouring over charts seeking answers to where and how they could have done better. Second comes the trade management once you are in a trade (this entails how long should I stay in, where should i get out, should I flatten out of this trade, where are my targets). But the trade management needs to be much more than this. To me this part is 10x more important than the trade itself. Yet so little time is spent on studying and improving on this area. If people would spend a fraction of the time they do looking over charts and instead concentrating on this they would be way ahead of the game. [again to fully explain what I mean would require way too much space]. And the last part of trading is the psychological aspect and just as trade management was 10x more important than the trade itself psychology is 10x more important than trade management. Let me try to give you a simple illustration...lets say you have a proven trade setup that works most of the time...ok well so far so good the only possible thing that can happen is that it will either work or it won't. It in itself can have no other impact on the other two aspects of trading (trade management, psychology). Ok now we move on to being in the trade, the outcome from here becomes uncertain not because of the trade itself (it will either work or not) but because of how we manage the trade once we are in it. We now introduce various outcomes that could become detrimental to us like exiting to early, holding too long or letting a winner turn into a loser) for this reason trade management becomes 10x more important than the trade itself because the trade can have no affect on the trade management but the the trade managemnt can have a disastorous affect on the trade. Ok lets take this a step further...lets say that we have a proven trade setup and we have learned how to properly use trade management to provide us with maximum profits and minimun losses. Sounds good so far as the only result that can happen is profitability and an increasing equity curve in our trading account. There is only one problem. There is still something that can throw a wrench in our system and thats our psychology. If we have the fisrt to aspect down pat (the trade, and trade management) they can not alter the result of the trade. The only thing that has more power than them is our psychology which can and will nullify any potentially good outcomes from the other two. This is why psychology is 10x more important than trade management and 100x more important than the trade setup.
So now that we understand the hierarchy of trading how do design a methodology where we can design a trading system that works synergisticaly with each other and focuses first on the most important part of trading (psychology), then focuses on the second most important part (trade management) and lastly the trade setup.
By now you may be getting some idea of why this endeavour took me 3 years.
One last thing the reason that I am no longer or havent been in awhile a regular poster on the MyPivots Forum is because I no longer trade the ES so I have nothing really to contribute.
Again I'm sorry for your misfortune and hope you are able to rebound soon.
First I would like to express my condolences to you and I know it is of little consolation but we have all experienced the exact same fears, hopes and disappointments that you've listed in your post. I know that it is something that all traders seem to have to go through but I still hate hearing about it happening to anyone when it does.
Secondly I would like to ask your permission to post your letter on my website. You have eloquently expressed a side of trading that people new to the trade are unaware off or at least they don't fully comprehend just how much emotions play a part in trading. I think your letter could help serve many new ambitious traders.
Lastly I would like to share with you a few stories in hopes that you may glean a little something from them that may benefit you in the future when you retry your hand at trading.
About 3 years ago I knew a woman who was relatively new to trading and had the talent to be good at it. Her problem much like yours was the inability to pull the trigger when she saw a good trade setup. She had already been beaten down by her losses and so went her confidence. She spent her days watching the market without taking a trade while she watched trade after trade that would have been successful pass her by. I offered her a solution that helped her regain her confidence. I asked her to set things up like this...have someone else (that is not within eyesite) execute the trades for her. It went like this...each morning the other person would flip a coin if it was heads they would trade live money for her if it was tails they would trade in SIM. She was not to know the result of the coin toss until the trading day was over. SO she would instruct them what trades to take never knowing if it was live or SIM. Looking back I believe this little trick worked for her because it alleviated just enough of the fear that she was again able to make the trade calls. I'm not suggesting that everyone do this I'm merely saying that sometimes we could benefit from trying unconventional methods.
Next story...I spent the better part of three years trying to come up with a method of trading that would alleviate or at least greatly minimize the negative affects that fear plays in trading. I found it not to be an easy task and one that requires a combination of elements that work synergistically together. Thie is probably way to long to go into here it would probably require the volume of a book to cover but I will try to tell you some of the more important observations I have learned. First trading is comprised of three things..the first being the actual trade itself (setup, entry, exit)..this is aspect that most people seem to spend the majority of their time on. They will spend countless hours scouring over charts seeking answers to where and how they could have done better. Second comes the trade management once you are in a trade (this entails how long should I stay in, where should i get out, should I flatten out of this trade, where are my targets). But the trade management needs to be much more than this. To me this part is 10x more important than the trade itself. Yet so little time is spent on studying and improving on this area. If people would spend a fraction of the time they do looking over charts and instead concentrating on this they would be way ahead of the game. [again to fully explain what I mean would require way too much space]. And the last part of trading is the psychological aspect and just as trade management was 10x more important than the trade itself psychology is 10x more important than trade management. Let me try to give you a simple illustration...lets say you have a proven trade setup that works most of the time...ok well so far so good the only possible thing that can happen is that it will either work or it won't. It in itself can have no other impact on the other two aspects of trading (trade management, psychology). Ok now we move on to being in the trade, the outcome from here becomes uncertain not because of the trade itself (it will either work or not) but because of how we manage the trade once we are in it. We now introduce various outcomes that could become detrimental to us like exiting to early, holding too long or letting a winner turn into a loser) for this reason trade management becomes 10x more important than the trade itself because the trade can have no affect on the trade management but the the trade managemnt can have a disastorous affect on the trade. Ok lets take this a step further...lets say that we have a proven trade setup and we have learned how to properly use trade management to provide us with maximum profits and minimun losses. Sounds good so far as the only result that can happen is profitability and an increasing equity curve in our trading account. There is only one problem. There is still something that can throw a wrench in our system and thats our psychology. If we have the fisrt to aspect down pat (the trade, and trade management) they can not alter the result of the trade. The only thing that has more power than them is our psychology which can and will nullify any potentially good outcomes from the other two. This is why psychology is 10x more important than trade management and 100x more important than the trade setup.
So now that we understand the hierarchy of trading how do design a methodology where we can design a trading system that works synergisticaly with each other and focuses first on the most important part of trading (psychology), then focuses on the second most important part (trade management) and lastly the trade setup.
By now you may be getting some idea of why this endeavour took me 3 years.
One last thing the reason that I am no longer or havent been in awhile a regular poster on the MyPivots Forum is because I no longer trade the ES so I have nothing really to contribute.
Again I'm sorry for your misfortune and hope you are able to rebound soon.
myptofvu,
A few have stressed on the importance of psychology already. While I did not take their messages lightly during those times, I did how ever underestimate the importance of the topic.
You've sum'd it up quite nicely. "100x more important than the trade setup" Point taken! Thanks for this. I will find a way.
I don't foresee a problem posting the letter on your website. Have at it.
In taking a step back and re reading what I wrote, my only problem I have with whats written is, I didn't really stress what I gained from the MyPivots website like I intended too.
I came to this site knowing NOTHING. NAH-THEEENG! It was a completely different language to me! The contributors here didn't necessarily tell me what that language was, but someone ALWAYS directed me where to find the answers.
My point coming.... I don't know if you plan to post the entire letter or just certain context, but I would hope the small mention of the MyPivots Forum could be left in there. (With the permission of day trading of course) I'm assuming cross promotion is sometimes deserving. I hope...
Finally, you mention you don't trade the ES anymore. After what you've posted for me I'm kinda sorry to hear that. It's nice for people like me that you still pop in from time to time, but I don't believe for a second that you no longer have anything to contribute!
My eyes are open... I'll be looking for ya! Thanks for your reply.
A few have stressed on the importance of psychology already. While I did not take their messages lightly during those times, I did how ever underestimate the importance of the topic.
You've sum'd it up quite nicely. "100x more important than the trade setup" Point taken! Thanks for this. I will find a way.
I don't foresee a problem posting the letter on your website. Have at it.
In taking a step back and re reading what I wrote, my only problem I have with whats written is, I didn't really stress what I gained from the MyPivots website like I intended too.
I came to this site knowing NOTHING. NAH-THEEENG! It was a completely different language to me! The contributors here didn't necessarily tell me what that language was, but someone ALWAYS directed me where to find the answers.
My point coming.... I don't know if you plan to post the entire letter or just certain context, but I would hope the small mention of the MyPivots Forum could be left in there. (With the permission of day trading of course) I'm assuming cross promotion is sometimes deserving. I hope...
Finally, you mention you don't trade the ES anymore. After what you've posted for me I'm kinda sorry to hear that. It's nice for people like me that you still pop in from time to time, but I don't believe for a second that you no longer have anything to contribute!
My eyes are open... I'll be looking for ya! Thanks for your reply.
Really sorry to hear what happened TradeQueen. I hope that you keep coming back and do sim trades in your spare time to be able to continue your journey when the time is right again. Good luck!
Great reply myptofvu!
Great reply myptofvu!
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows no victory nor defeat"
Theodore Roosevelt, 1899
"By now you may be getting some idea of why this endeavour took me 3 years."
myptofvu, 2011
Theodore Roosevelt, 1899
"By now you may be getting some idea of why this endeavour took me 3 years."
myptofvu, 2011
Red,
I don't think that I have EVER received a greater compliment in my life. Thank You
Guy, thanks to you also
Tradequeen, Thanks for your kind words. My website already promotes the MyPivots forum. The reason I no longer trade the ES is that I have found other markets that are better suited for the technique that I have somewhat outlined in my previous post. And by the way you are welcome to come join in anytime you like free of charge.
I don't think that I have EVER received a greater compliment in my life. Thank You
Guy, thanks to you also
Tradequeen, Thanks for your kind words. My website already promotes the MyPivots forum. The reason I no longer trade the ES is that I have found other markets that are better suited for the technique that I have somewhat outlined in my previous post. And by the way you are welcome to come join in anytime you like free of charge.
DT,
My announcement does appear to be a big so-long. At that moment I guess it really did feel like the end. But the reality is... You can't shake me!
______________________________________________________
So, someone sent me a nice note and I replied with this long babble. The thing is, it shows a little of whats going on inside my mind. I'm posting this, because I know it's helpful for me when I see other peoples experiences.
I'm often not sure I'm cut out for all this. At times I look soo stupid. Other times I totally get it! But when I see others experience similar issues, it tells me that these are just more obstacles to get over. This is why I don't mind opening up the way I do. Unfortunately, at this point it's my only way of giving back. I feel I've helped a little if someone reads this and thinks, ok - someone else has gone through this - stuff like this does happen.
It's helped me in the sense, just keep learning. It's part of the process! Otherwise.... If it were easy... Evvvry body would be doing it.
Here's that excerpt of my reply:
***************
Yes, I feel an incredible sense of frustration and failure. But I have a family who sees what I've put into this (even though it's only been a short while), they support me immensely. Honestly... I didn't know how great that support was, until I announced I had failed. We try again.
It may take another year to build an account, but I will give it one more try. Only once more though... Reason being is the mental game. It's kicking me down. Simply put... This market hates me. I can go back and say... Look at here here and here. Now look at the day I jumped in with confidence. Unbelievable.
Re: the setups.... I apologize if I implied that "everyone" of the set ups worked until I put money in. No, not the case. Although, I would study the market for hours at a time and make great calls. Then I would be frustrated for not acting on the obvious.
Then other times I would make a mental call and the market would take off in the other direction. This would baffle me. How could that be? Then, sure enough it would come back and head in the direction I anticipated. I would ask myself, would I of had the courage to ride that one out for real? I never believe I would have. Looking back, apparently I don't. This example sets a LOT of doubt in future decisions.
I really do believe my good choices out numbered the bad ones. When I would make a bad choice, I would go back and try to figure a reason why. Often times it was something simple I overlooked and missed. One time I based the decision on a set of triples that didn't get filled for a couple weeks. It happens.
Then there was yesterday. While I admit I should have done things differently to save myself for another day, there was a break even opportunity i passed on, nothing made sense yesterday and I just didn't have the account size anymore to withstand a hit like that even though it was a relatively small hit. I just blew it.
I guess the answer is to figure when those odd days (like yesterday) are going to play. There may be some clue. My gosh, I've babbled long enough.
************************
Yesterday was one of those days that just threw me off. I could say again... Look here here and here. But the day I JUMP IN.... Unbelievable! It plays with the brain. Again, unbelievable.
Although... Today, Popdoc posted a great quote in the quotes thread that sums up all this madness. It's a nice pick me up. Here's the quote of a quote...
"I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, because it can not be overemphasized: the most important change in my trading career occurred when I learned to divorce my ego from the trade…. Trading is a psychological game most people think that they are playing against the market, but the market doesn’t care. You’re really playing against yourself. You have to stop trying to will things to happen to prove that you’re right. Listen only to what the market is telling you NOW. Forget what you thought it was telling you five minutes ago. The sole objective of trading is not to prove you’re right, but to hear the cash register ring.
- Marty Schwartz, “Pit Bull”"
Once again... I'm silenced.
My announcement does appear to be a big so-long. At that moment I guess it really did feel like the end. But the reality is... You can't shake me!
______________________________________________________
So, someone sent me a nice note and I replied with this long babble. The thing is, it shows a little of whats going on inside my mind. I'm posting this, because I know it's helpful for me when I see other peoples experiences.
I'm often not sure I'm cut out for all this. At times I look soo stupid. Other times I totally get it! But when I see others experience similar issues, it tells me that these are just more obstacles to get over. This is why I don't mind opening up the way I do. Unfortunately, at this point it's my only way of giving back. I feel I've helped a little if someone reads this and thinks, ok - someone else has gone through this - stuff like this does happen.
It's helped me in the sense, just keep learning. It's part of the process! Otherwise.... If it were easy... Evvvry body would be doing it.
Here's that excerpt of my reply:
***************
Yes, I feel an incredible sense of frustration and failure. But I have a family who sees what I've put into this (even though it's only been a short while), they support me immensely. Honestly... I didn't know how great that support was, until I announced I had failed. We try again.
It may take another year to build an account, but I will give it one more try. Only once more though... Reason being is the mental game. It's kicking me down. Simply put... This market hates me. I can go back and say... Look at here here and here. Now look at the day I jumped in with confidence. Unbelievable.
Re: the setups.... I apologize if I implied that "everyone" of the set ups worked until I put money in. No, not the case. Although, I would study the market for hours at a time and make great calls. Then I would be frustrated for not acting on the obvious.
Then other times I would make a mental call and the market would take off in the other direction. This would baffle me. How could that be? Then, sure enough it would come back and head in the direction I anticipated. I would ask myself, would I of had the courage to ride that one out for real? I never believe I would have. Looking back, apparently I don't. This example sets a LOT of doubt in future decisions.
I really do believe my good choices out numbered the bad ones. When I would make a bad choice, I would go back and try to figure a reason why. Often times it was something simple I overlooked and missed. One time I based the decision on a set of triples that didn't get filled for a couple weeks. It happens.
Then there was yesterday. While I admit I should have done things differently to save myself for another day, there was a break even opportunity i passed on, nothing made sense yesterday and I just didn't have the account size anymore to withstand a hit like that even though it was a relatively small hit. I just blew it.
I guess the answer is to figure when those odd days (like yesterday) are going to play. There may be some clue. My gosh, I've babbled long enough.
************************
Yesterday was one of those days that just threw me off. I could say again... Look here here and here. But the day I JUMP IN.... Unbelievable! It plays with the brain. Again, unbelievable.
Although... Today, Popdoc posted a great quote in the quotes thread that sums up all this madness. It's a nice pick me up. Here's the quote of a quote...
"I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, because it can not be overemphasized: the most important change in my trading career occurred when I learned to divorce my ego from the trade…. Trading is a psychological game most people think that they are playing against the market, but the market doesn’t care. You’re really playing against yourself. You have to stop trying to will things to happen to prove that you’re right. Listen only to what the market is telling you NOW. Forget what you thought it was telling you five minutes ago. The sole objective of trading is not to prove you’re right, but to hear the cash register ring.
- Marty Schwartz, “Pit Bull”"
Once again... I'm silenced.
The surprises will always be there, but the losses can always be minimalized by better risk management and even more prudent money management.
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